DnD Sex Edition

A response to any player who has said "I roll to seduce the monster! Nat 20!!"


Nat 20 to Seduce an…Azer!

Azers, or Munshirs as the rebrand of Pathfinder calls them, look like the Dwarven version of the Fire Giants and hail from the Fire Plane. They have bronze skin, flaming hair and beards, and emit heat. They have a strong sense of their place in the world due to a strict caste societal structure. Historically, azers have been enslaved by fire giants, titans, or ifrits. This encounter would obviously need to be adjusted based on heat-resistances the PC puts in place.

His arm muscles gleamed like a well-oiled construct. The flames from his beard were reflected on his bronze-skinned chest. The azer that stood before you was apparently over the lower caste, wearing a copper kilt. He hefted a powerful hammer and called out at your approach. “Who goes there?” (in Ignan). His words hiss and pop like a wet log steaming in the fireplace. 

Make a DC 10 Performance check to see if the PC can spark a romance with the Azer.

On a success: Your open and honest offer appears to appeal to the Azer. “It has been long since I’ve lain with anyone, low as I am in the world.” (in Ignan). He lowers his axe and grips the belt holding his kilt. When you move to disrobe, he follows suit. A trail of fiery hair trails down his lower belly to a cock that is short and wide, not unlike Dwarves you’ve slept with. You step forward and reach out a hand to his gleaming manhood. The fire hair flares brighter as he twitches. You begin sweating at his nearness, not from nerves, but from the heat his body puts out. He sighs at your touch, allowing you to explore him without reaching for you. Your hand starts to blister over as you stroke him.

Take Fire damage (1d10 5e; 1d6 Pathfinder) from touching the Azer.  

You push forward with your conquest, despite your minor wounds. He doesn’t seem to be making his move so you ask what he would like to do. Without words, he sinks down to his knees and leans forward to pull your length into his mouth. The heat is immense, like dunking your dick in a lava pool. 

Take double Fire damage (2d10 5e; 2d6 Pathfinder) from touching the Azer.  

His head bobs up and down and the heat diminishes. At first, you believe you’re becoming accustomed to the temperature, but then you realize that a painful sort of numbness seems to be encompassing your cock. Placing a hand on his face, he looks up at you, eyes and hair glowing brighter than they were before. You pull your dick free from his welcoming mouth. The skin is gone. Exposed weeping tissues with dead nerves are all you can see. Drops of blood splash onto the azer’s beautiful bronze skin and hiss as they evaporate in seconds. 

He looks at your cock and recoils, repulsed by what he has done to you or by your pathetic skin, you cannot quite tell. He grabs his kilt and rises, his hair fire dimming quickly with his change in mood. He leaves you with your cock weeping, but not how you had anticipated. 

The PC requires magical healing, but otherwise avoids fighting the Azer.

On a fail: The Azer stares at you, his hair fire dimming to a dark blue. “You think I can be ridiculed this way? I would never take a mate outside my caste,” he says (in Ignan). The grip on his hammer tightens just before he raises it to attack.

Initiate combat with the Azer.



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