DnD Sex Edition

Water weirds are water elementals bound to a body of water much like a dryad is bound to atree. They can present as serpentine or with a humanoid female upper torso. Unlike trees, however, water does not go through a reproductive process. While it does move through the water cycle, the fact that water weirds are bound to specific pools indicates that they are more locational and less attached to the molecules that evaporate and move to condense elsewhere.

Is it possible to get water wet? You may need more ale to really assess the complexities of such a question. As you approach the pool that is rumored to contain a water weird, you figure that being inside the pool itself may be close to being inside the creature. Aren’t they the very embodiment of the pool itself? Would it be best to offer a sensual sinuous dance like a winding river? Offer your own body’s fluids as an exchange? The apothecary, unfortunately, had failed to come up with a specific pheromone to use, though the new petrichor scent was very pleasant for daily use. You approach the water and peer into its depths.

Make a Performance check (DC 10) to see if the PC can get the water weird wet.

On a success: The pool appears empty, just rocks and a few plants lining a dry basin, until a fish swims by. The movement startles you a bit, the clarity of the water creating an illusion of empty space. Without even a ripple, the form of a beautiful human woman rises from the pool. Her form is nearly as transparent as the pool itself, except for the way the light refracts through her body. She shimmers in the sunlight. She opens her mouth and you hear the sounds of a brook even though the pool remains still. “Land-creature, what do you want from me?” (In Aquan).

You decided to offer her a gift. Reaching into your satchel, you draw out a clear, flawless gemstone and offer it to her. She takes your offering and dissolves into the water at her waist.

The PC can now swim in the pool without consequence. Then they will be able to honestly brag about being “in” a water weird.

On a fail: The water appears opaquely green. The pool is stagnant and smells like decaying leaves. Without a ripple, the form of a great snake rises from the sludge, an oily sheen pigmenting the creature’s scales. It opens its mouth and you hear the sounds of dripping pipe.“Curse you and curse all land-creatures” (In Aquan).

You decided on a snaking, sensual dance. Your abs ripple and your body flows to music only you can hear. You close your eyes, just for a moment, really getting into your dance, when you feel the first drop of rain on your skin. That’s the only warning you have before the water weird attacks.

Initiate combat with the water weird attacking and attempting a grapple in a surprise round.