DnD Sex Edition

Ettins are two-headed giants known for being very perceptive but brutish and generally stupid. The heads commonly bicker with one another, struggling to agree on any given topic. Possibly because of the inherent lack of privacy, ettins tend to live as hermits, preferring to keep pets instead of company with others of their kind. 

The giant towers above you, more than twice the height of an average human. Four watery eyes look down at you, two with something like interest and excitement, two with suspicion. “You want me?” the right head asks, thumping his chest with a clumsy fist. Flies launch themselves off the fur he’s wearing. The flail in his grasp swings dangerously close to the left head of the giant.

“Watch it!” the left head snarls, his lank oily hair sends a whiff of rotting fish as he dodges the careless flail. “He don’t want you. He want me!” The left head swings back to glare down at you. “But why you want me? Must be a trick!”

Make a DC 10 performance check to see if the PC gets double-teamed by the ettin.

On a success: The ettin’s right arm drops his flail and he rips aside the rank furs. A pungent musky stench overwhelms you and causes your eyes to water.

“Stop that, idiot! This is trick!”

“I want dick sucked!”

“I don’t even like boys!”

“Maybe I do!”

The ettin heads continue bickering in escalating tones. You blink to bring everything into focus and see, disappointingly, only one, half hard dick. It is thick, like a rod of metamagic you saw that wizard use, which would be enticing if it were not crusted with dry cum, dirt, and gods knew what else. Just looking at it makes you feel like you need a hot bath. Since the ettin doesn’t seem to be getting any more or less aroused as the heads continue arguing, you decide to gracefully take your leave. 

Make a Stealth check to avoid detection while leaving the ettin.

On a fail: “A trick?” The right head frowns in concentration. 

“If he wanted to mate, he would have by now.” The left head argues. “Remember last mate? She beat us. Then we mated. Why this one not attack? Tricksy.” The ettin raises his flails in both hands as both heads agree on a course of action they understand: violence. 

Initiate combat.