DnD Sex Edition

Angels in the Monster Manual is a bit of an odd choice for me. Maybe it’s because I’ve only ever played with a generally good party? Maybe it’s because they seem vaguely related to Aasimars? Maybe it’s because I was raised in a JudeoChristian household? 

Regardless, there are three types of angels in the Monster Manual and I’m lumping them into one because they’re a bit boring to me, tbh. (No beings made up of wings and eyes? No spinning wheels?) Angels are humanoids with wings that function as an avatar of a deity. Devas are the most common (lowest CR) so I’ll be using a Deva for the encounter below. Sub out with a Planetar or Solar as needed, though keep in mind, they are both categorically Large instead of Medium. Obviously avoid this encounter completely if the deity in charge is against sexual encounters of all kinds. This encounter is based vaguely on the concept, as understood by a nonpractitioner, of tantric sex.

The creature before you is beautiful. More than beautiful. So overwhelmingly beautiful it hurts to look at them for longer than a few seconds. You are absolutely certain that, despite your excellent seductive moves, you are not worthy of their touch. Still, you look at them and hope they will take pity on you. You look at them and despair because you are not enough. Their wings are flawless. Their skin glows with a divine light. You are a dull creature beside them. They lock their pale pupil-less eyes with yours. In your mind, an echoing voice speaks “We can raise the sexual energies together.” 

Make a DC 15 Performance check. 

On a success: You are overwhelmed with a sense of relief and gratitude. You maintain eye contact with the angel and slowly, ever so slowly, move to remove your clothes. They match your movements, keeping you to the excruciatingly slow pace. First, unfastening your pants. Then, unlacing your shirt. Your fingers move on their own. The solid white eyes of the angel, your angel are all you can see. Your breathing syncs up with theirs when you shed your pants. You cannot break eye contact except for the rare blink so you do not bother with fully removing your shirt. Instead, you take hesitant steps forward. Towards your angel. Toward a heaven so sweet, you can almost taste it dripping from your tongue. Your angel matches each of your movements until you are inches apart. You breathe together. Chests rise together to kiss, their skin on the cloth of your shirt, before your exhales intermingle and you shift a hair’s breadth apart. 

You start to feel warm and you feel the energy around the two of you growing. It is light and life and everything golden and glorious. Your erection presses into your stomach. On inhales, your cock brushes gently against the skin of your angel’s stomach. You cannot break eye contact for more than a blink or the energy you are raising together will be lost. It feels like sunshine, soft furs and the scent of spring flowers all at once. The energy is perfect and you feel as though you could bask in it for hours, days, a lifetime. It raises with a relentless crescendo until it peaks and you cry out. Your whole body shudders as you experience the most life altering orgasm imaginable. You float in a sea of bliss. Vaguely aware that there is no cum for you to clean up. A glorious orgasm of the soul that can never be recreated.

The angel proceeds with their original intention, provided it’s not harmful to the party. The PC has advantage (or +1d4) on all d20 rolls for the next in-game hour as they ride the orgasm high.

On a fail: You are thrilled to finally sleep with an angel. It’s been on your goal list of seducable creatures for as long as you can recall. You try to maintain eye contact, but the temptation is too great. They’re breathing too slowly and you want to move things along. Pulling your shirt over your head, you are pleased to notice the angel has vanished their pants, standing before you, unashamedly nude. Your mind blanks as you take them in. They have no genitalia. A smooth expanse of golden skin is all that was hidden under their clothing. Is this some sort of weird polymorph? An illusion? The echoing voice speaks again in your mind, “You have failed to raise the sexual energies. Pity.” The angel steps back with a cold, judgemental stare.

The angel proceeds with their original intention. The angel has advantage (or +1d4) on all d20 rolls against the PC for the next in-game hour as they are sexually frustrated.