DnD Sex Edition

Skeletons are the animated bone structure of any living being that is powered by necromantic magic. While any creature with a skeletal system can be reanimated into a skeleton (octopi need not apply), for this post, I’m sticking with human skeletons for this post as they are the most commonly encountered. Gender is not considered because humans do not have a baculum to contend with. 

In Pathfinder, skeletons don’t have a baseline intelligence score as they’re mindless automatons which makes them unseducible per my blog rules. However, skeleton champions maintain free will which would allow them to give consent (source 1) so, for the purpose of what follows, this will be a Pathfinder skeletal champion. 5e skeletons have an intelligence score of 6 (source 2) so they are totally seducible. 

The skeleton gives you a lecherous leer. Or, perhaps that’s just a lack of lips. Either way, it does not appear to show any sign that it understood your seduction attempt. Its metatarsals click against the stone floor as it continues advancing. The closer it comes, the easier it is for you to see elaborate etchings carved into its femurs and tibias. You jump when you hear the loud clatter of the skeleton’s sword hitting the floor. Maybe it’s willing to play after all.  Yellowed phalanges reach out to run lightly over your face, down your chest and stomach, before reaching into your breeches.

Performance check to see if the PC bones the skeleton (DC 5).

On a success: Rough bony digits grip your manhood and pull you free from your pants. Wanting to avoid a potentially toothy blowjob, you grip the skeleton’s femurs and lift, pressing its spine against a nearby wall with an odd clicking noise. The skeleton’s legs fold and the backs of its tibias hit your knuckles without any flesh to act as a cushion. You thrust into the pelvis and meet nothing but air. Your average cock just cannot fill the pelvic outlet. After several unsatisfactory thrusts with only the occasional stab of the coccyx for friction, you drop the skeleton. Empty eye sockets glare at you. Or perhaps that’s just a lack of eye lids.

If the PCs attack this skeleton later, it will be stunned for one round due to betrayal of the only lover it’s had in the afterlife. 

On a fail: The bony digits grip your manhood and pull you free from your pants. The toothy grin does not change as the skeleton pulls you forward. Its mandible unhinges to an unnatural angle and it darts forward to bite your neck. (+4 to hit; (1d6 + 2) piercing damage) Roll for initiative.

The PC is stunned for one round while they put their pants back on.