DnD Sex Edition

Why? Seriously, why would anyone want to try to seduce an ooze? Is there a hot tiefling inside? Has it molded itself into the form of a hot tiefling? Do I have a thing for hot tieflings?

Anyway, oozes are mindless amorphous goo that can take various shapes and colors. They consume plant and animal matter but not metals or bones (boners, yes; bones, no). The four types of oozes I’ll be addressing are the classics: black pudding, gelatinous cube, gray ooze, and ochre jelly. The gelatinous cube reproduces asexually either through binary fission or budding (source 1). The gray ooze also reproduces asexually through budding (source 2). Black puddings and ochre jellies can be split into two smaller separate beings through combat so presumably they also reproduce through binary fission or similar. 

All of these oozes fall under the category of too low an intelligence score for successful seduction though the ochre jelly is the smartest of the bunch and won’t approach or stay put if the entire party is present.

The sight of the large jiggling mass reminds you of the time you fucked a pie in your hometown’s tavern as a young hormonal teen and, despite having gotten caught with the pie, you’re strangely excited to try out the ooze. Not bothering to disrobe, you pull out your manhood and approach the ooze, ready to experience something completely new. 

Black pudding: As soon as you touch the black pudding, you take 2d8 acid damage and your manhood develops black acid burns. 

Permanent -1 to all future seduction rolls unless treated by Lesser Restoration.

Gelatinous cube: As soon as you touch the gelatinous cube, you take 4d8 acid damage and your manhood gets stuck as the cube moves to engulf you. 

No save on the engulf. Permanent -1 to all future seduction rolls unless treated by Lesser Restoration.

Gray ooze:As soon as you touch the gray ooze, you take 1d4 acid damage and your manhood develops black acid burns.

Permanent -1 to all future seduction rolls unless treated by Lesser Restoration.

Ochre jelly:As soon as you touch the ochre jelly, you take 1d6 acid damage and your manhood is constricted by this more mobile ooze. Take an additional 2d4 damage from the constriction.

DC 12 strength check to escape the constrict. Permanent -1 to all future seduction rolls unless treated by Lesser Restoration.